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Fri, Apr. 21st, 2006, 01:22 pm
overwhelmed by things that have already happened
days..months...years ago
cant keep thoughts straight
at point where all sense irrational
heart at irregular beats
things that were so clear...
all now just break...
i hate this Tue, Mar. 14th, 2006, 10:19 pm
uh
So im pretty sure it sucks to know someone is ignorning you. K thx. :(
Mon, Mar. 13th, 2006, 05:59 am
zomgz
So I didnt go to work today...fucking snow. Need people...
Sun, Mar. 12th, 2006, 10:56 pm
Fri, Mar. 19th, 2004, 03:41 pm
Any Questions?
Sat, Feb. 28th, 2004, 05:49 pm
Wed, Feb. 25th, 2004, 11:47 pm
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!Here is how you matched up against all the levels: Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test Thu, Feb. 12th, 2004, 03:27 pm
I am 0% Emo  Okay... so I'm not emo at all.. I am probably not even goth, because goths are just messed up emo kids... I am probably a metal head... or into boy bands... Take the Emo Test at fuali.com Wed, Feb. 11th, 2004, 11:20 pm
I am 69% Punk Rock  The intelligent punk. Tuff and Smart. I may be able to maintain a train of thought long enough... What the fuck was I talking about? Take the Punk Rock Test at fuali.com Wed, Feb. 11th, 2004, 03:39 pm
 Deceit. "What, I didn't do it, it was that guy over there!" Lies aren't really your style, more like creative advice. It's a personal quality you exhibit above all those around you of knowing who's going to believe you, and who won't. You survived the end by making sure that you were far far away while the person who you left tied to the chair, dressed to look like you, got what you deserved. That takes moxy... I tip my hat to you. How would you survive the end of the world? brought to you by Quizilla Mon, Feb. 9th, 2004, 08:57 pm
Mon, Feb. 9th, 2004, 08:41 pm
The USUAL
:x: name = Billy
:x: age = 16
:x: piercings = 2 in both lobes.
:x: tattoos = none.
:x: height = 6' 4"
:x: shoe size = 14
:x: hair color = brown
:x: siblings = brother(x2) sister(x2)
LAST...
:x: movie you rented = Hellraiser
:x: movie you bought = Dont remember
:x: song you listened to = Nappy Roots - Sick And Tired
:x: song that was stuck in your head = Queen - Bicycle
:x: cd you bought = Queen's Greatest Hits II
:x: cd you listened to = Queen's Greatest Hits II
:x: person you've called= Amber..like 2 days ago
:x: person that's called you = Mike
:x: tv show you've watched = Invader Zim
:x: person you were thinking of = amber
I DO...
:x: you have a crush on someone = Yea
:x: you wish you could live somewhere else = Sometimes
:x: you think about suicide = Everyday
:x: you believe in online dating = Not really.
:x: others find you attractive = I guess
:x: you want more piercings = Yes
:x: you drink = Sometimes
:x: you do drugs = Not really
:x: you smoke = Sometimes
:x: you like cleaning = No
:x: you like roller coasters = Aye!
:x: you write in cursive or print = print
:x: you carry a donor card = No
FOR OR AGAINST...
:x: long distance relationships = Not anymore
:x: using someone = against
:x: suicide = against
:x: killing people = against.
:x: teenage smoking = Dont care
:x: doing drugs = Dont care
:x: driving drunk = against.
:x: gay/lesbian relationships = Dont mind them.
:x: soap operas = hate
FAVOuRITE...
:x: food = chicken
:x: song = Nappy Roots - Sick And Tired
:x: thing to do = Day Dream
:x: thing to talk about = girls.
:x: sports = football, soccer, baseball, basketball
:x: drinks = sprite
:x: clothes = Fuck clothes
:x: movies = Underworld.
:x: band/singer = Silverchair
:x: holiday = N/A
:x: cars = 73 Licoln Continental with Purple Paint and Fuzzy pink carpet inside
HAVE YOU...
:x: ever cried over a girl= Yes
:x: ever cried over a boy= No.
:x: ever lied to someone = Yes.
:x: ever been in a fist fight = Yes
:x: ever been arrested = No.
WHAT...
:x: shampoo do you use = Herbal Essences.
:x: shoes do you wear = Cat Boots.
:x: are you scared of = rejection
NUMBER...
:x: of times I have been in love? = Truly and honestly once
:x: of times I have had my heart broken? = couple times
:x: of hearts I have broken? = One.
:x: of girls I have kissed? = like 10.
:x: of boys I have kissed? = lol 0
:x: of drugs taken illegally? = 1.
:x: of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? = 3
:x: of people I consider my enemies? 1..
:x: of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? Once
:x: of scars on my body? = Alot
:x: of things in my past that i regret= Maybe one.
FAVOuRITE...
:x: disney movie - Finding Nemo
:x: word - Word
:x: nickname - beast
:x: guy name - Caleb
:x: girl name - Callist
:x: eye color- Green
:x: flower - Black Rose
:x: piercing - Tounge, Eyebrow, Nipples
:x: actor - Brad Pitt
:x: actress - Kate Beckinsale
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
:x: pretty - Sure
:x: funny - Sure
:x: hot - You know it
:x: friendly - Sometimes.
:x: amusing - I get annoying.
:x: ugly - Sure.
:x: loveable - LOVE ME PLEASE.
:x: caring - sometimes
:x: sweet - i try to be.
:x: dorky - ya betcha !
Sun, Feb. 8th, 2004, 09:14 pm
(1) Your gender: male
(2) Straight/gay/bi?: straight
(3) Single?: Yes
(4) Want to be?: Hell No
(5) your birth day: 2/27/87
(6) Age you act: 7
(7) Age you wish you were: 21
(8) Your height: 6'4"
(9) The color of your eyes: brown
(10) Happy with it?: Wish they were blue
(11) The color of your hair: brown
(12) Happy with it?: Wish it was black
(13) Left/right/ambidextrous?: right handed
(14) Your living arrangement?: With Family
(27) Your family: mom, dad, bro(x2), sis(x2)
(29) What's your job: student
(30) Piercings?: yeah
(31) Tattoos?: nope
(32) Have A Girl?: Nope
(35) Do you speak another language?: Spanish
(36) Have a favorite quote?: "*Somewhere theres someone who dreams of ur smile,
and finds in ur presence that life is worth while.
So when u r lonely, remember its true,
Somebody, somewhere is thinking of u*"
(37) Do you have a webpage? No
DEEP THOUGHTS about life and you in it
(38) Do you live in the moment?: I don’t know…sometimes…
(39) Do you consider yourself tolerant of others? Sometimes
(40) Do you have any secrets?: Plenty
(41) Do you yourself?: Yea
(42) Do you like your handwriting?: yes
(43) Do you have any bad habits?: Im to clingy
(44) What is the compliment you get most from people?: Cute
(45) If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: Angry Teens
(46) What's your biggest fear?: Rejection
(47) Can you sing: Yup
(48) Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: Like....McGuyver?
(49) Are you a loner?: Yea :/
(51) If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: Sure
(52) Are you a daredevil?: Yea
(53) Is there anything you fear or about yourself?: no
(54) Are you passive or aggressive?: Agressive
(55) Have you got a ?: ....!?
(56) What is your greatest strength and weakness?: Strength is loving, weakness is being to attached
(57) If you could change one thing about yourself?: Nothing, i am who i am
(58) There are three wells, love, beauty and creativity, which one do you choose?: love
(59) How do you vent?: Yelling
(60) Do you think you are emotionally strong?: No
(61) Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: nope
(62) Do you think life has been good so far?: yes
(63) What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: never want anything too much
(64) What do you like the most about your body?: everything
(66) Do you think you are good looking?: yea
(67) Are you confident?: yea
(68) What is the fictional character you're most like?: Brak
69) Do people know how you feel?: yes
(70) Are you perceived wrongly?: yes!
DO YOU...
(71) Smoke?: sometimes
(72) Do ?: ....!?
(73) Read the newspaper?: no
(74) Pray?: no
(75) Go to church? no
(77) Sleep with stuffed animals?: no
(78) Take walks in the rain?: yes
(79) Talk to people even though you them?: ....!?
(80) Drive?: yup
(81) Like to drive fast?: yes
Have you EVER...
(82) Liked your voice?: No
(83) Hurt yourself?: Yes
(84) Been out of the country?: Yes
(85) Eaten something that made other people sick?: Yes
(86) Broken A Bone?: Chipped em, never broke
(88) Been in love?: ...once.
(89) Done ?: .....!?
(90) Gone skinny dipping?: yes
(92) Had a surgery?: yes
(93) Ran away from home?: yes
(94) Played strip poker?: no
(95) Gotten beaten up?: yes
(97) Been picked on?: no
(98) Been on stage?: yes
(99) Been so drunk that you know you're supposed to go out on a date with someone, but you can't remember with who or when and that you faint when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, not to mention your breath?: lol, no
(100) Slept outdoors?: Yes
(101) Thought about ?: ...!?
(102) Pulled an all-nighter?: yes
(103) If yes, what is your record?: 3 days
(104) Gone one day without food?: yes
(105) Talked on the phone all night?: yes
(106) Slept together with the opposite gender without actually "doing it" ?: yes
(107) Slept all day? Yes
(108) Killed someone?: no..not yet
(109) Made out with a stranger?: never.
(110) Had with a stranger?: ....!?
(111) Thought you're going crazy?: I AM CRAZY
(112) Kissed the same gender?: No
(113) Done anything s*xual with the same ?: No
(114) Been betrayed?: yes
(115) Had a dream that came true?: yes...but it was horribly shattered.
(116) Broken the law?: yes
(117) Met a famous person?: yes
(118) Have you ever killed an animal by ?: ....!?
(146) Stolen anything?: yes
(147) Been on radio/TV.?: yes
(148) Been in a mosh-pit?: no
(149) Had a nervous breakdown?: every other week
(150) Considered religious vocation?: no
(151) Been criticized about your performance?: ...i guess
(152) Bungee jumped?: nope
(153) Had a dream that kept coming back?: yes
LOVE, and all that
(182) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title?: yes
(183) Do you remember your first love?: yes
(184) Still love him/her?: yes
(185) Do you consider love a mistake?: First one....no, all of them afterwards were just a faint reminder of what I had.
(186) What do you find romantic?: Kissing in the rain
(187) Turn-on?: Being close
(188) Turn-off?: Being ignored
(189) Do you base your judgement on looks alone: No
(200) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel?: Depends
(201) Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going "blind"?: Doesnt matter.
(202) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a to ask a guy out?: Uhhh for a gal to ask a guy out? yea thats fine
(203) Mentally attached, but not physically?: ...ORANGE!
(204) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: They do
(205) What is best about the opposite sex?: I dunno
(206) What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: Nothing
(207) What's the last present someone gave you?: A man thong
(209) Do you consider your significant other hot?: Im not in a relationship but she's the hottest person alive
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
(211) That haunted you?: Jesus
(212) You wanted to kill?: Dunno, alot of people still want to kill me
(213) That you laughed at?: My mom and her horrible english
(214) That laughed at you?: My mom cause I made fun of her horrible english
(215) That turned you on?: Amber
(216) You went shopping with?: Amber
(217) That broke your heart?: Amber
(218) To disappoint you?: Amber
(219) To ask you out?: Cant remember
(220) To make you cry?: Amber
(221) To brighten up your day?: My brother ^.^
(222) That you thought about?: Amber
(223) You saw a movie with?: Drew
(224) You talked to on the phone?: My Cousin Tina
(225) You talked to through IM?: Jason
(226) You saw?: My brother
(227) You lost?: Stephanie Skala
(229) You thought was completely insane?: Me ! ( looked in the mirror )
(230) You wanted to be?: No one
(231) You told off?: My mom
(232) You trusted?: Amber
(233) You turned down?: No one
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
(234) Smiled?: 5 minutes ago
(235) Laughed?: 5 minutes ago
(236) Cried?: This morning
(237) Bought something?: Yesterday
(238) Danced?: This morning
(239) Were sarcastic?: Pffft, what type of question is this
(240) hugged someone? Friday, Scode
(241) Talked to an ex?: It's been a couple days..
(242) Watched your fave movie?: 2 weeks ago
(243) Had a nightmare?: Last night
(245) Talked on the phone?: 5 minutes ago
(246) Listened to the radio?: 15 minutes ago
(247) Watched TV?: Watching it now
(248) Went out?: ...not since last week..
(249) Helped someone?: Today
(250) Were mean?: 15 minutes ago
(251) Sang?: This morning
(252) Saw a movie in a theater?: Couple weeks
(253) Said "I love you"?: ...I cant remember
(254) Missed someone?: I miss her right now
(255) Fought with a family member?: 15 minutes ago
(256) Fought with a friend?: Today
(257) Had a serious conversation?: This morning
(258) Got drunk?: This morning
(259) Had sex?: ....6 months ( Some long survey )
Sun, Feb. 8th, 2004, 06:52 pm
Sun, Feb. 8th, 2004, 03:48 pm
Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results | Sociability | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Gregariousness | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 78% | | Assertiveness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Activity Level | |||||||||||||||||| | 58% | | Excitement-Seeking | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 86% | | Enthusiasm | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 78% | | Extroversion | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 73% | | Trust | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 86% | | Morality | ||||||||||||||| | 46% | | Altruism | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 86% | | Cooperation | ||||||||| | 30% | | Modesty | ||||||||||||||| | 42% | | Sympathy | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Friendliness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Competence | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 78% | | Neatness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | | Dutifulness | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 78% | | Achievement | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Self-Discipline | |||||||||||| | 38% | | Cautiousness | ||||||||| | 26% | | Orderliness | |||||||||||||||||| | 58% | | Anxiety | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 78% | | Volatility | |||||||||||||||||| | 58% | | Depression | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Self-Consciousness | |||||||||||| | 38% | | Impulsiveness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | | Vulnerability | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Emotional Stability | |||||||||||| | 38% | | Imagination | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Artistic Interests | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 86% | | Emotionality | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Adventurousness | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 74% | | Intellect | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 86% | | Liberalism | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Openmindedness | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 82% | | Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test
What's the point in going on in life.
I dont live in the pass
I dont live in tommorow
I live in today
But really, whats the point in going on? When all that happens is I knocked back on my ass. Im tired of this shit. I dont know what to do anymore. Im always at a loss for words, I have no motivation, nothing seems to keep me happy. My dreams. They're nothing but silly dreams, nothing.
Its about 1 am, I just finished watching Mrs. Doubtfire. Movie starring Robin Williams. Pretty good movie..I guess. Only watched it cause' I couldnt fall asleep tho.
You could say it's from earlier today. I was told things that I blatantly knew..but didnt act upon for I am a fool. And well..I had no one stopping me from feeling this way or telling me not to. Jeez this is hard, it sounded so much better in my head when I was planning to write this out. I even have a stupid lil' poem I conjured but I forgot it. Ive tried so many times to be happy. And when I finally reach this. There is always something or someone aiming a gun at my face ready to shoot me down. This is all refering to whats going on in my "relationship" life. I know im a clingy person. But you fed that fire and thats why the attraction grew so much to that point where I guess I annoyed you. All I can say is recently ive been having the greatest time of my life with you, specially last week when we spent a hefty amount of that day in the mall. Im just..really confused on what you expect from me. And I know there are alot of people out there that hate me for some ungodly reason, but please dont let them effect what you think about me. It just makes me feel like shit when I know people hate me and its a daily conversation you share with your friends whenever im discussed. Do you even defend me? Or are you afraid to? I dont know. But ill be here..you know where to find me. It just makes me sad to think that I had to go and fuck things up again. And this might piss you off IF you even read this post. But hey if you do talk to me..please. We had something good going and well...it just got obliterated.
o well...im out for now. love ya...:/
-billy
Thu, Feb. 5th, 2004, 10:13 pm
*Somewhere theres someone who dreams of ur smile,
and finds in ur presence that life is worth while.
So when u r lonely, remember its true,
Somebody, somewhere is thinking of u.*
Ive come to understand the things you say and mean. And I respect that.
I will always be here tho, Ill be here for you. And ill be waiting ;) Sorry for the things that have happened. Sorry im not that right type of guy! But I love you anyways.
-billy
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cwthegamer's journal
bored
amused
pissed off
crushed
depressed
irritated
discontent
lonely
hyper